appetite for chaos

"If you are practicing yoga in any serious fashion, you are inviting your life to be blown up."
-Govinda Kai

That was definitely the case for me.  As a result of pursuing yoga, attempting to practice in a serious fashion, my life has careened down a path I never would have visualized for myself 10 years ago.  Not that I bother with any of that "visualizing your future" nonsense, anyway. You know when people ask, "what are your 1, 5, and 10 year goals"?  I usually just laugh.  I had someone ask me today to provide her with a schedule for next week and it wasn't gonna happen. Maybe (probably) this is something inherent to my nature, an inability to make or even consider long term plans. Or maybe this is Yoga teaching me to be in the present, to experience this moment and surrender (as we have discussed).

This potential manifestation of yoga's influence is not the same in everyone.  For me, it appears to have enhanced the nomadic part of my nature.  The teachings give me the freedom to acknowledge that I do not know and can not know what my life is going to be.  and Ishwara Pranidhana gives me to room to take it as it comes, letting go of fear and a need to set time lines for goals that have to be attained.  One step at a time. Then if something goes wrong, and I misstep, no problem. Plenty of room to correct.

Does this mean that I have an inherent appetite for chaos?  If you have read my other posts, as I have, then this appears to be one of the conclusions I am coming to.  Through the practice of Yoga, and the daily applications of the teaching, I am finding that I feel at home in chaos.  Not only am I at home, but I am able to accept that it is okay.  It is not a character flaw that needs to be suppressed or corrected.  Govinda said that when the mind is organized, it is far from the goal.  Only through breaking down our desire for the rhyme and reason that we can wrap the conscious mind around will we be able to overcome the mind entirely. "If you're not confused in your life, pretty profoundly confused, you're too safe." He asserts, with confidence, that when you are confused it means that the mind is unraveling, and "it's a good sign."  Should it have come as a surprise that I have complete confidence that he is correct?